Discovering new intervention

 Black lens

Trying out purple lens

Unveiling the absolute credibility part 7

           Stelensia was at overseas representing her college in sports, always sitting at the corner with her phone texting her lover. Barely speaks a word even though some other people are at their peak of their hormone excited about the sport competition. She can't focus anything but her phone. The day before Stelensia left Putrajaya, she got text from Alex which would likely sound like this. 

"Would you still be with me whatever happens? What if I was married?"

Stelensia took it as a joke somehow Alex admit that he was married with two kids. As soon as she knew the truth. She told him to divorce his wife and left his family behind as she was not intend to love this man anymore but to take revenge for what he has done by destroying his family. She hold on to her tears and she felt the weight on her chest and she can hardly breath. At the moment, she was catching her flight back to her state at Sabah. Pretending a smile in her face but crying in her heart. Her parents bring her home at that day, her mom was so happy to see her after spending a long time apart without knowing what was happening in her daughter. Stelensia still holding on to her tears in her chest waiting for the right time to burst out anytime soon. She was crying like three years old without the subconciousness to the surrounding hugging to her mom and telling her everything about that bad guy. Her mom was so worry and crying with her. She can't breath and shivering with her hand in her chest comforting herself. She just had enough with all this crap. The next day, she wants end up the relationship . Some how, he was begging Stelensia to stay. She was so strong to refuse to stay with him as she gain the strength from her mom. After a while, she was gone wild, trying to explore life and getting frustrated to herself. She was drinking alcohol, she was going to the club, she was hanging out with her buddies and trying to escape the mind thinking about it. That could be her darkest moment of her life. A broken angel was born. Some how  both of them was getting back together again for another two painful months. She was struggling to find herself. She was loss in the lust.

With buddies supporting team

Give us power of medalling

My achieving

Home

              She was started to let go of herself and just let him do what he wants. The last day they met before she was going back to her hometown. She whispering to his ears "Be good, take a good care of yourself, just don't leave me behind" she hug him and crying knowing that that would be her last time to meet. She fell in love with this man somehow she  knew it was wrong and it must be ended soon.  Stelensia, was destroyed and broken into pieces. She was doomed. The scars in her life was unimagineablely painful. She let go of her religion. She don't believes in anything. All she was able to do was to live the life with no broken soul. 

Unseen doen't mean it wasn't there Part 8

              There was a girl name Stelensia born innocently to this world, growing up in unexpected life condition, when she was in her childhood. Everyday with fear of broken family and pressure by parents who wish for the best for her, mom was always sick (with its own case) and always need to be taken care of, she cry every day for the getting a new scar she had on her heart, even in her teenage she can't go around and mixed around with people, she was growing up being told she was ugly, hence she was not confident at herself always staying in her room. She grew up to be antisocial, she hardly open her mouth to talk to people, everyday staying at home and only talk to her mom and brother, she barely talk to the dad because she was not close to him, she had very small circle of friends. Her life was a dull. It's alright to be that way her parents assume.                 

                
                  Once she was out into the society, she had to learn to be involve with the society, because of the growing process was not preparing her, she had to struggle to learn to be sociable and everyday was learning a new lesson. She was too naive and trusting people easily, people always took advantage of her easily. She had her first relationship on 21 years old while others in her age had learn a lot about it. she was started to discovered love life at the age of 21. A lot of guys started to try their luck on her. She think about love a lot and started to slipping down her grade in college. Somehow she is very active in sport but still manage to live her life. It was so often ask by people, why did she d want to talk. Y, and Y and Y. 

                    It's had been in her nature to be silence. She can't help it. at the age of 22, she had was broken hearted. again and the third time.. she had the deepest cut in her heart. She was cheated by a married man with two child. She was so strong that she can still hold on to the principle of life that her parents tought her. she cried and cried up until today. She pray and cry.  Her soul was injured badly. She still can't find the calmness in her self. she try to overcome it but it was hard for her. For once she had been covered herself with darkness.
                      

Cry me a river!

                    She was so lucky. What she had been through, no one would knows about with the pretending of happy mask. she is always good girl in the eye of her parents and relatives. NO ONE KNOWS her GUILT, NO ONE KNOWS her filthy secret. NO ONE KNOWS. She wil stay stronger than ever. This world is so cruel that she can only continue to walk in her jorney of life without a doubt. That's the life to her.

Mirror always lie

Selalu kita tengok cermin ikut mood, tapi kadang-kadang kita selalu tengok cermin sebab ada mood. Tetapi apa yang kita nampak hanya diri kita saja yang sentiasa kita rasa sempurna walaupun memang tidak sempurna sebab kita yakin. Walaupun kadang2 kita rasa pada hari itu kita tidak cantik, tetapi kita akan menatap cermin lama lama dan senyum pada cermin tuk meyakinkan diri, ya kita itu cantik. Tetapi kita tetap akan fikir kita tidak cantik selepas kita meninggalkan cermin itu. Itu mencerminkan sifat manusia yang tidak pernah merasa puas hati dan bersyukur atas apa yang diperolehinya.

Ada sedikit sebanyak perkara yang telah ku pelajari dalam perjalanan ku di sandakan, terutama sekali mengenali budi pekerti seseorang melalui pergaulan dan jangka masa pergaulan pada seseorang tidak boleh dijadikan kesimpulan tentang seseorang itu sebagai manusia yang berdosa, kita adalah berdosa untuk menilai dan mehakimi seseorang kerana kita pasti akan dihakimi di dunia akhirat. Apa yang menyedihkan adalah orang yang mempunyai kaya dalam pengetahuan tetapi miskin dalam budi pekerti serta akhlak. Mungkin itu adalah sebab cara mereka didik, pergaulan, dan pegangan prinsip hidup berasaskan agama. Ku akui ku bukanlah pakar dalam agama serta ku tidak layak menyatakan segala rintihan ini, namun, luahan isi hati ini harus tulis dalam blog ini walaupun agak membosankan dan ku tahu tidak ada sesiapa yang membaca. Hahaha. kalau ada yang terbaca tahan hati saja la. 

Sebagai manusia yang pernah jatuh dalam lembah dosa, ku memohon pengampunan dari semua orang di dunia ini agar memaafkan kesalahan saya. 

All year round.

Today is 29th of december 2011, I am glad that I did not suicide after all the fuss that happen to me. It was a difficult year for me. I'm struggling a lot to get over it and I have done lots of things just to move on from this matter. I believe that a lots of girl out there have been through what I felt and some of them will go through this as I did. Thanks to everyone that had been supporting me along the way when I'm weak.

Maximization of life

       

Totaly broken: fix it!

                             Today is the maximization of my ability of physical running here and there, doing stuff, making myself so buzy regarding my life. Just to make sure everything was done just in time, thanks to god up until now I just do what am able to do. Hopefully god will continue to campur tangan in my life and just give me the blessing and making things easier and easier. God always answers my prayer and I'm happy that He is listening to me.

I was doomed

                                                   Life is just about to have a cup of coffee