Journey of losing fate

To the left X2

Out of mind

Unlocking innerself

Big rossy

             I was once a girl who have this low self esteem and did not care about anything about my appearance. I'm just rarely groom myself well as i just be reckless when it comes to my appearance. This is because I was growing up listening to people telling me I'm the ugly duckling. They said I just too thin, so on and so forth. but now I'm weight 64 Kg. a little bulky and I'm just wanted to drop my weight to 55 KG in 3 months, I just have to start telling myself and just be a nice person, do good things to people, don't scold people easily, doing my job well, be a nice girl, and  concentrate on my study, and doing my homework, be punctual and exercise regularly and doing everthing that is good. I just want to be good me. Besides keeping my hygiene in high level, I will just do anything that may help others.

Timbang menggaris

Gema akustik with brotha

         In my eating habit,I will eliminate completely meat and fishes as well as cream cracker, and my favourite food, junk food.. I will just take carb, yogurt, vegetable, less rice, lots of water, less sugar, oatmeal, green tea so on and so forth. Besides that, in my training programme, every session, I will include 2.4 km running in the record time, so far, my best time is 13 minute plus, I want to improve my time up to 12 minute plus. I will do cycling started tomorrow, I will start at before 6 AM and I will sleep early. Besides that, I will cycling my way up through to the Beaufort, of course I will not tell anyone. I'm aiming to reach here before 8 am. so it's a long journey but I will just do my best. In addition. 

         I will do some weight training after I reach home and some abdomen exercise and study some of the Javelin technique just to remind my self about the technique. In the nutshell, I will do anything just to shade off those kilos, 9 kilos to shade off, meaning to say, I will have to drop down 3 kg in one month, It's gonna be easier if i'm not influence by anyone, besides that, I will keep myself in my own pace and do anything that I think I want to do. It's necessary. So, I will not eat bread or rice. My source of carbohydrate is oatmeal and cereal only. But not forget about my fruit, vegetable, water, and so on.

This is the type of body I have wanted for, 55kg, wait for me, i'm coming for you baby. Well in order to have it maintain, just everything I need. On the other hand, I will spend most of my time with library, study and so on before I go for the exercise session. Good bye cafe Kg E, I'm not going to eat your food again, and cafe library as well. I swear to god, I will never ever eat those fattening food anymore.

Journey

             

          Recently, I've been fighting for my weight goal, i'm struggling to keep my weight down and maintain, but it's seems to be a failure, i've do some research on why i'm gaining weight eventhough i've tried so hard to keep it down browse through the internet and asking some people, it's seems that I'm facing some depression on the behalf of ingesting some drug that was prescript from the doctor call Isotrenin, it's so stressfull that I was inform by the doctor that consult me that it will be needed to used to treat my acute nobular acne problem for around 8 months, and this drug must prescript with birth control medicine, which is one of the cause of my weight problem.

          Since the holiday started, i've do some jogging, cycling, weightlifting but not so heavy, and so on just to maintain and prepare myself physically to face competition on the end of the sems break. but it's seems to stop once my little niece come to my home for holiday and i started to eat and eat. i'm just like easily reach my boiling point at the moment and eat emotionally. i mainly ingested the carb more along with sugar. i'm just not a big fan of meat, i would rather prefer to eat vegetable and fruit, and drinks a lots of water lately. my average weight is 58kg and now i was 64kg. well i'm wondering if it's true that the weight gain in not solely on my eating habit. i'm just getting so frustrated and need to shade off those kilo's.

Csg dinner 2009

Final day at sandakan..

Alice in wondering

Practice dancing for dinner 

Dinner 2011

Dinner CSG 2009

            Hunters of the ambition, it's me. I'm really crazy for sport right now. This is what i'm looking forward to achieve, my goal. So it feels like this is my little diary that I can write my little voice in my head. i just want to reach the 50m mark just as long as it take but my recent goal is in 2 months after this sem break is to reach 40m. I will work my ass out to reach that distant no matter what. Right now i'm just sitting here and observing the world class javelin throw video and just trying to think and figure out what is really in my  mind, what i want to achieve and setting my goal of like in 10 more years something like that. 

             I have the big pictures already but it's not like what i've don't but it's just that not think throughly, it might change as times goes by i believe, but shortly after, for now, i'm just do my study on the biomechanic move, search through internet for te training program, find something that inspire me to just thrive for success in sport like do some research on the world record holder Spotakova who manage to reach 72 m mark. with her height, she is surely capable of achieving more than she have already acheived now. as far as I know, in malaysia top women javelin top thrower for universiti is Nurul who manage to reach the 42m mark for the first time during MASUM meet at UPM complex. I was in the field compete with her and i got 3rd place. it was embrassing because i just do 25m at that time. i was 17m difference between me and her. she was just about my age 22 years old. I surely want to thrive for success for this Sabah Open meet and SUKMAB for this July and August. Well, it's not far from now already. 

         I better shake my lazy butt off and start to do some workout. I will just do the cycling, crunches, pumping, indoor exercise. not much. but I will just mainly focus on the image and visualization training, it's very important, and most of all, my father who is the one who keeps me enthusiastic to javelin because he keeps on telling story about javelin throw, he is the one who keeps my soul and patience burning for the sport. there is one time  i've almost give up, the burning fire in my soul was almost gone, but after i get into Universiti Malaysia Sabah, my patience for sport are increasing and keep on  burning, my best throw is 29.50m when sukums 2010. it is shocking,because i'm a 22m thrower, it's just blown me away. Now, I'm just going to focus more on approach acceleration and the position of release, these is still alot of mistake to correct.

I'm a cactus and I need hug

Growing

             I'm just so not in to having a relationship right now it's just wasn't the right time I think.. I've done too much that have hurt my reputation of my result and my images. people will start to think that i'm just a cheap girl. well, the thing that i can do beyond my power is to disposed my old number and not giving away my number to anyone. i just want it to be secretive. i just don't want to get dizzy with all this crap. 

         

            Just making me depressing and the hormone stability in my body system has made me gone made in split seconds and just be happy in the the next second. i'm just in stable right now emotionally. and my weight are flunctuating. it's just so uncomfortable to when i started to used medication treatment on my skin problem. i'm just having this acute nobular acne problem or whatever they call it. everyday having the improvement. but there is one particular situation i have to face by myself and endure it is when people start to stare at my face and crincle their nose makes my feel so horrible because it looks like i'm just having this skin problem and make them feel gross. so what is my response? just smile and looking forward but still sometime trap in that little short moment thinking back and feel unstatisfied with it.

Self centered solitude

I love solitude

             Currently i've discover some of my own self. it's more about self centered me, i've realise, i found out the i hate those people that is so hypocrite, what they said in their words are just words and they just want to show people that the hypocrism side of them, making people think there are good in the inside.. i'm sick of these kind of people. well, me myself is so fake sometime, i'm also as weak as you all are out there, i'm just human being, i think that it is very important for me to just more comprehensive to my own being rather than just think about others. Sometime when i think back, i was wrong and i was once doing that too in my own fb. so with regret and now, Out of boring and nothing to browse on i will open my fb for once in a while.. lastnite i can't sleep and have write some little short story that is unfinish.. here is some of my short story..

My short story

The breeze of the wind have gone through the tree and leave making it waving the branches towards the little kids. The kids who were staring innocently towards the tree as it saw the bird standing on the tree and it was not even move an inch even though it seems as if it wound fly away. This is because the strength of the wind are too much for the birds to stay statue on the tree.

          Once there is a black monstrous look of bird was coming out of nowhere with a with eyeball snatching the little birds on the tree away without a doubt. The incident was saw by the little kids and got them scared because the look of the monstrous bird are so evil and the size of the monstrous bird are 10 times bigger then the normal size of human being.

        Yello said:” oh my gosh, did you saw the black bird just now, I’ve never seen this kind of bird in my live before, that’s creeps me out.” Monica just stood at the side of Yello and stared with it’s big blue eyes, she hardly blink her eyes as it was a magnifence event she have just saw just now. “Come on lets get away from here before the big bird saw us and eat us away like the bird just now.” Jack said calmly and asking those friends to come with him to safer place. As for Monica, she seems to be shock and curious about the incident of the bird just now because she is very interested in studying the history and the existence of the dragon just like his father who works as the conservationist and always outstation to the jungle and doing things that involve studys of birds and animal in the jungle especially regarding to the understanding the behavior and lifestyle of the birds and animaland their reaction towards threat.

       It is very hard for those kids to believe that such a big monstrous bird are still alive in this world or it was called the dragon. Because there are now in the more modern world which are more likely to be the world of technologies with iphone, cellphone, television. To seen such an animal exist in this world is a new discovery to the world of animal planet because nowadays these animal are believes to be completely vanish from the world because of extinction as the dragon are hardly able to survive due to the changes of the earth temperature, competition for food, and the evolution of the world make them unable to fit in to the world ecology.

                 

              Hannah said:” wake up stella, its time to go to school, it’s 7 o’clock already, go brush your teeth and get ready, your breakfast is at the table, have your breakfast after you’ve done. Everything.” Stella hardly could open her eyes because she was sleeping late at night last night as she was sneak out with some of her friends to the house party of one of her classmate. Stella is the kind of teenage girl that love to have fun like partying, drinking alcholol and so on but Hannah on the other hand was the kind of girl that score straight A in her academics and doing outstanding result in her sport which she is doing atletic, swimming, basketball, gymnastic, cheerleading and so on. She seems to be the favourite girl of all the high school boys. 

                 Every boys are dying to want to go out with Hannah. As for stella, she who have her own plastics group are the kind of girl that everyone hates because of her mean girl attitude, she is slack in her academic and always fighting with other girl because of boys. Stella and Hannah is a twin teenagers with single parent. There parents divorce where there where only two years old. It is very unfortunate of them because there father are so into the studying of the black monstrous bird which is hardly seen in the world and some of the news was claiming that they are sighting of the black monstrous bird in some of the areas and this makes John, dad of Hannah and stella to hunt down the black monstrous bird by tracking it to wherever it may go as it as done with the story of claiming the sighting of the bird. 

                  

                     The crazieness of john on the birds have neglected both Hannah and stella have lead to a divorce of the marriage of 3 years. As Most of the time, Hannah and stella are all by themselves taking care of their own thing because their mother was died of brain cancer after 1 month divorce. It is a very unfortunate for both Hannah and stella. Now, most of the time, both of them are all by themselves in the house as her father won’t be around the house for the time being. This is because of the obsession of the black bird have leads to the suffering of the girls who have grown up harshly as there was lack of parents attentions. Fortunately, Hannah was a good girl because it seems that most of the friends she choose was the children that would likely to do studys in the library and work hard for striving grade A.

               After the schools, Hannah would join the curriculum activities of the school just to fill up her times with some beneficial activities such as charities in the orphanange, doing cleaning in the classroom afterschools. She even choosen for playing basketball for her highschool St, John. Most of the time after school, if she have free time, she will use her time to do some basketball practices until midnights and it have really gives a good payback for her hardwork. As for stella, even she is the twins of Hannah, people are hardly to like her because of her rebellious attitude. This have make her the most hated student by the teachers, Because most of the time, the teachers would retained stella for not submitting her homework or sleeping in the classroom. As she was the girl that seems to be popular in the school but yet most hated girl in the school. She always gets jealous with her sister’s achievement in school and feel quite insecure with all the things that she have, she always do something that is destructive to her own bodies and it was because she have choose the wrong friends to be friend with.

       

                    As Stella finally woke up with her sleepy eyes, she go to the bath room, brush here teeth with her eyes closing, she use here tooth brush with no energy and brush her teeth light ly, the tooth paste that she put on the tooth brush was just too short and it was hardly enough to clean her mouth. After brushing her teeth, with the refreshing breath, she was open her eyes a little wide and walk slowly to the table with the breakfast put nicely on the table prepared by her lovely twin sister Hannah. Hannah seems to be the more matured sisters who knows how to take care of her own and even take care of her twin sisters. She always help her out whenever she was involving in a big trouble such as getting caught drunk and drive once and almost get run in to the shops. Because she was driving without license with her friends car. It was very hurtful when most of the time, her twin sisters sometime was mistaken to be the evil sister Stella. And Hannah have decided to cut off her hair just to make sure she have this distinctive look that would differentiate her from her twin sister so that she would never get mistaken for being her bad sister Stella anymore. This is because, there even sometimes exchange class and exam room during the exam just because Stella are not doing good in her class and often get the worst grade most of the time.

please enjoy by amatuer writer

Thats life. Michael

It is so hurt to know that people that u love is betraying u. After all u have put for the relationship to work out. it seems that what I have done is so wasteful and all the time and energy that i have spend on this relationship is so tiring and making me want to give up on marrying someone. Because the pain that what it has cost me is too painful and i hope that it would go away some day. because, when it was so hurtful, I just can't carried my life like everyone else. Only god knows what i feel and how I went through my day without knowing why. I hope that one day all of this pain will go away and I will be free from all of this pain.

Enhancement

Sahaja..

Anyeong.. joshy desu

Mama...

tersott 

bergila bila perlu.

              Everyday is like heaven when there is no assignment, no stress no nothing, what i have been through during this holiday is that. i went jogging for a while at the route that i just newly discovered last week. There is several thing that i notice from my journey of jogging life. I go there jogging, and i saw a dog that seems to afraid of me. But I was the one who afraid of the dog. As i approaching nearer to the dog, it seems to jump across the small river and after I past the dog. The dog jump right back to the road. It seems to avoiding me and did not want me to go near me. It so funny that it suppose to be the guarding the area from strangers but it seems that the dog is afraid of the strangers. I just laugh at the situation and carried on with my jogging life over there.