Little voice

Voice of my head

I’m the kind of people that hard to think of the best when  the problem of relationship is surface. It is hard  for me to just accepting other people who had once do mistake. Out of mercy, I just can not tell the real voice of my head. I’m just afraid I will hurt that person once I love before. Even though he was hurting me before. However, I have talk me voice of my head with my precious person and I realized that, I’m just can’t hurt that people. Somehow, I had a feeling that this relationship has no end and I’m just go with the flow as I’m waiting for him to do it for the second time as it was him who declares it.

Loss of appetite

Deep paper cut

             I am currently did't have the appetite to eat anything, I feels like disgusted t have something put through my throat  because, it is affecting my weight, I'm gaining too much weight to have eaten anything. It is very hard for me to accept my body image. I am so pressured when I saw the images of a sexy lady in the television making me so frustrated as I am working out but gaining weight. It's not the strength exercise that I had but still gaining weight because of my mentality about the medicine that I take. I believe It was the main cause of my weight gain.

My sources of depression

So confident!

Because of my skin problem, I have to take these pills for 8 months to make it go away. It have giving me a lot of side effects that makes me want to quite using it sometime. Last night, I was forget totally on taking this pill and i finally take it just now.

obsession

Flower diamond

New green era

This is my current obsession, to have a nail polish, i wish someday i will try out the medicure from the profession when i have make money of my own. It is worth to try it out. Up until now, I still did not have the good expertise on doing it on my own. My nail polishing skill is not perfect.

 Luckily, it may look great when you are not observing the nail too long. see it's look beautiful right.

Short stories: Seed of love

Cheat code for all gamer is feel

Revival of seed of love

What is love? Love can make a person happy but sometimes may cause a person gone crazy if failed to handled it when it comes to the end. What makes a relationship end? When there  incompatibility of the partner, and hardly understand of each other it is very hard for  this love to survive. seed of love are in dormant state when the both sides are holding back the truth of feelings towards each other. This may become a mishap and unfortunate if it is not let go and missing the opportunism of living the life to the fullest with their  true love.

What if the dormancy of the seed of love was broken and able to grow into a potential true love? Water is needed in order to break the dormancy seed of love, besides, air, oxygen, sun, nutrients.

1.       God love us, we love you

God is the foundation of love, we learn to love when we believe in His love. Through his teaching, there is a lot of things that we have learn. We have learn to love each other. God did not teach us to eliminate our enemy or hate them but to approach and share the love that he gave

2.       Giving second chance

Every one is worth given the second chance because no one is perfect. So, it is important to just let go the unpleasant memory and restart a new relationship. With the second chance, they will be a potential of increasing the depth understanding of the relationship and the reason of the mistake was happening. This is little gap that give people the chance to be a better  person.

The reality of reviving a wilting love is to give a second chance to restart a new relationship and understand the partner besides spending some time for some reflection of the past relationship. Honesty is crucial in reviving as it was an effort of earn  trust from the partner.

In  my own story, I’m happy to this point that I have discovered that I can give such an impression to people life. I can make people feel comfortable and be understandable to myself. I can be a place for someone to turn to and I can be the people that make people want to love. As I personally can’t see this kind of quality in myself. Without realizing it, my partner who tried to revive the seed of love was almost succeed as he was mentioning about the quality of personality in me that make him comfortable. Spending  time answering all the question that I kept in  my mind was the effort of him to earn my trust and convince me to make fresh start in our relation ship. He is really come forward to his confession of keeping her Milo picture in his laptop and talking about contacting her and so forth. But I still having my own confession to make and explaining the reason for all the thing that I have done just to escape from the social circle. Trying to tell my side of the story and make myself more comprehensible. As I was trying to know him better as well but merely through the chatting  time.

3.       Acknowledgement of family

When family know about the relationship, there is a little sense of security in it as it’s just shows that people are growing nearer to you. There is stand a chance of longer relationship success. They is no evaluation needed from the family. Exceptionally, it’s not confirming for the relationship to be ended with marriage.

4.       Comparison and analysis

With the previous experience, there is always comparison between the exes, and the feeling that someone available to make u feel was unanimously different whenever you are nearby, angry, or words that you hear without have to say it. As the analysis of the things that happen during the relationship was quite interesting and it may make people feel and eyes open when you realize something that you don’t think is express in your personality

5.       Spending time apart for a short period of time.

When there is short period of time apart, there is always a chance of feeling emptiness in it, when the emptiness is happening, there is someone missing in your life. This will make you confirm and feel that you can’t live without your partner.

6.       Inspiring

When you was inspired  by person, you feels that you are enthusiastic to talk with that person and feels that you are really needed that person’s word to make you enthusiastic.

7.       Sense of security

There is a sense of security that you feel whenever you are trying to give it to the person that you want to convince, it’s very important to just discuss about feeling and heart. Through this, there is always a sense of security as you are answering the question that get have been bugging you around.

8.       Laid back

There should be a laid back in the relationship to just not making the partner feels the  pressure. As it may be a little less of text message, or call.

9.       Love maturity

Love will mature when there is a time it was dormant, it’ always grow, but, beware of the cheater who have a big heart.

Doing my best

Love on air

                Bicycle is my recently discovered obsession as it is the alternative for travelling and enjoying the view of the outdoor at the same time and stay healthy, in shape as well. I challenge myself everyday to go beyond the comfort zone . As my riding skills was fortified, I am eager to ride farther than I ever had everyday. The most challenging route that I have taken is the road behind the Tamu which have three slope. I was so excited that I was able accept the challenge and complete it. Next, My second in shape device the Javelin.

                While Javelin is my long time favorite activities, I was first fell in love with it when I was 15 years old. At that time,I was picked by my school teachers to represent for this event and I wasn't doing well on it. Since that day, I was very determined to excel in sport and learning the technique from my father who is formerly national javelin thrower. Unfortunately, my determination and will was hold back with many kind of excuses, such as space, time, and willpower. Even without space, I used to train under my house with weight training and throwing at the back of my house, but now, I wasn't able to do it and this was because there is a lot of philipines family dwelling at the back of my house. I was not able to focused on the training as I have other priority which is study. 

               There was a time that I was totally giving up on it as I was not putting any effort on it. As times goes by, I was amazed that my long time abandoned dream was revive by the chances that came to knock on my door, without a doubt i immediately grab the chance and optimize the training for javelin by utilizing all that I have and my best throw is 29.50m currently Feb 2010. This number was  blown me away as I didn't aspecting such a gap of improvement, it seems that my effort was showing some result.

Expore new world

Halo halo

                  When I woke up in the morning, I've my breakfast and I started to browse the internet for some useful articles which may help me develope and discover myself. Honestly, there are a lot of useful articles that I'm able to click on while I search through the websites. This web literally have become my teachers of life, because I have learn a lot from here. As I search through the internet, I have browse the Pop Crunch for the sexiest women in sport, and now I know that I can be literally sexy eventhough I am participating in sport. There she is the Paraguayan World class thrower Leryn franco, and still in the sexy curve.

Besides that, I have click on the 7 ways of good writing, heres the tips. hehe~

          Readable, focused, develops gracefully in the means of putting on evidence to support the argument and not letting any gaps reasoning to slip in the besides include the unsupported assumptions or missing information, keep the writing floss, the writing suppose to be concrete and not easily questioned, the article must be suited to the reader, and when writing the article, be passionate to what you want to pointed out. I found that this is very useful tips for me in writing my paper and assignment.

Journey of losing fate

To the left X2

Out of mind

Unlocking innerself

Big rossy

             I was once a girl who have this low self esteem and did not care about anything about my appearance. I'm just rarely groom myself well as i just be reckless when it comes to my appearance. This is because I was growing up listening to people telling me I'm the ugly duckling. They said I just too thin, so on and so forth. but now I'm weight 64 Kg. a little bulky and I'm just wanted to drop my weight to 55 KG in 3 months, I just have to start telling myself and just be a nice person, do good things to people, don't scold people easily, doing my job well, be a nice girl, and  concentrate on my study, and doing my homework, be punctual and exercise regularly and doing everthing that is good. I just want to be good me. Besides keeping my hygiene in high level, I will just do anything that may help others.

Timbang menggaris

Gema akustik with brotha

         In my eating habit,I will eliminate completely meat and fishes as well as cream cracker, and my favourite food, junk food.. I will just take carb, yogurt, vegetable, less rice, lots of water, less sugar, oatmeal, green tea so on and so forth. Besides that, in my training programme, every session, I will include 2.4 km running in the record time, so far, my best time is 13 minute plus, I want to improve my time up to 12 minute plus. I will do cycling started tomorrow, I will start at before 6 AM and I will sleep early. Besides that, I will cycling my way up through to the Beaufort, of course I will not tell anyone. I'm aiming to reach here before 8 am. so it's a long journey but I will just do my best. In addition. 

         I will do some weight training after I reach home and some abdomen exercise and study some of the Javelin technique just to remind my self about the technique. In the nutshell, I will do anything just to shade off those kilos, 9 kilos to shade off, meaning to say, I will have to drop down 3 kg in one month, It's gonna be easier if i'm not influence by anyone, besides that, I will keep myself in my own pace and do anything that I think I want to do. It's necessary. So, I will not eat bread or rice. My source of carbohydrate is oatmeal and cereal only. But not forget about my fruit, vegetable, water, and so on.

This is the type of body I have wanted for, 55kg, wait for me, i'm coming for you baby. Well in order to have it maintain, just everything I need. On the other hand, I will spend most of my time with library, study and so on before I go for the exercise session. Good bye cafe Kg E, I'm not going to eat your food again, and cafe library as well. I swear to god, I will never ever eat those fattening food anymore.

Journey

             

          Recently, I've been fighting for my weight goal, i'm struggling to keep my weight down and maintain, but it's seems to be a failure, i've do some research on why i'm gaining weight eventhough i've tried so hard to keep it down browse through the internet and asking some people, it's seems that I'm facing some depression on the behalf of ingesting some drug that was prescript from the doctor call Isotrenin, it's so stressfull that I was inform by the doctor that consult me that it will be needed to used to treat my acute nobular acne problem for around 8 months, and this drug must prescript with birth control medicine, which is one of the cause of my weight problem.

          Since the holiday started, i've do some jogging, cycling, weightlifting but not so heavy, and so on just to maintain and prepare myself physically to face competition on the end of the sems break. but it's seems to stop once my little niece come to my home for holiday and i started to eat and eat. i'm just like easily reach my boiling point at the moment and eat emotionally. i mainly ingested the carb more along with sugar. i'm just not a big fan of meat, i would rather prefer to eat vegetable and fruit, and drinks a lots of water lately. my average weight is 58kg and now i was 64kg. well i'm wondering if it's true that the weight gain in not solely on my eating habit. i'm just getting so frustrated and need to shade off those kilo's.

Csg dinner 2009

Final day at sandakan..

Alice in wondering

Practice dancing for dinner 

Dinner 2011

Dinner CSG 2009

            Hunters of the ambition, it's me. I'm really crazy for sport right now. This is what i'm looking forward to achieve, my goal. So it feels like this is my little diary that I can write my little voice in my head. i just want to reach the 50m mark just as long as it take but my recent goal is in 2 months after this sem break is to reach 40m. I will work my ass out to reach that distant no matter what. Right now i'm just sitting here and observing the world class javelin throw video and just trying to think and figure out what is really in my  mind, what i want to achieve and setting my goal of like in 10 more years something like that. 

             I have the big pictures already but it's not like what i've don't but it's just that not think throughly, it might change as times goes by i believe, but shortly after, for now, i'm just do my study on the biomechanic move, search through internet for te training program, find something that inspire me to just thrive for success in sport like do some research on the world record holder Spotakova who manage to reach 72 m mark. with her height, she is surely capable of achieving more than she have already acheived now. as far as I know, in malaysia top women javelin top thrower for universiti is Nurul who manage to reach the 42m mark for the first time during MASUM meet at UPM complex. I was in the field compete with her and i got 3rd place. it was embrassing because i just do 25m at that time. i was 17m difference between me and her. she was just about my age 22 years old. I surely want to thrive for success for this Sabah Open meet and SUKMAB for this July and August. Well, it's not far from now already. 

         I better shake my lazy butt off and start to do some workout. I will just do the cycling, crunches, pumping, indoor exercise. not much. but I will just mainly focus on the image and visualization training, it's very important, and most of all, my father who is the one who keeps me enthusiastic to javelin because he keeps on telling story about javelin throw, he is the one who keeps my soul and patience burning for the sport. there is one time  i've almost give up, the burning fire in my soul was almost gone, but after i get into Universiti Malaysia Sabah, my patience for sport are increasing and keep on  burning, my best throw is 29.50m when sukums 2010. it is shocking,because i'm a 22m thrower, it's just blown me away. Now, I'm just going to focus more on approach acceleration and the position of release, these is still alot of mistake to correct.

I'm a cactus and I need hug

Growing

             I'm just so not in to having a relationship right now it's just wasn't the right time I think.. I've done too much that have hurt my reputation of my result and my images. people will start to think that i'm just a cheap girl. well, the thing that i can do beyond my power is to disposed my old number and not giving away my number to anyone. i just want it to be secretive. i just don't want to get dizzy with all this crap. 

         

            Just making me depressing and the hormone stability in my body system has made me gone made in split seconds and just be happy in the the next second. i'm just in stable right now emotionally. and my weight are flunctuating. it's just so uncomfortable to when i started to used medication treatment on my skin problem. i'm just having this acute nobular acne problem or whatever they call it. everyday having the improvement. but there is one particular situation i have to face by myself and endure it is when people start to stare at my face and crincle their nose makes my feel so horrible because it looks like i'm just having this skin problem and make them feel gross. so what is my response? just smile and looking forward but still sometime trap in that little short moment thinking back and feel unstatisfied with it.

Self centered solitude

I love solitude

             Currently i've discover some of my own self. it's more about self centered me, i've realise, i found out the i hate those people that is so hypocrite, what they said in their words are just words and they just want to show people that the hypocrism side of them, making people think there are good in the inside.. i'm sick of these kind of people. well, me myself is so fake sometime, i'm also as weak as you all are out there, i'm just human being, i think that it is very important for me to just more comprehensive to my own being rather than just think about others. Sometime when i think back, i was wrong and i was once doing that too in my own fb. so with regret and now, Out of boring and nothing to browse on i will open my fb for once in a while.. lastnite i can't sleep and have write some little short story that is unfinish.. here is some of my short story..

My short story

The breeze of the wind have gone through the tree and leave making it waving the branches towards the little kids. The kids who were staring innocently towards the tree as it saw the bird standing on the tree and it was not even move an inch even though it seems as if it wound fly away. This is because the strength of the wind are too much for the birds to stay statue on the tree.

          Once there is a black monstrous look of bird was coming out of nowhere with a with eyeball snatching the little birds on the tree away without a doubt. The incident was saw by the little kids and got them scared because the look of the monstrous bird are so evil and the size of the monstrous bird are 10 times bigger then the normal size of human being.

        Yello said:” oh my gosh, did you saw the black bird just now, I’ve never seen this kind of bird in my live before, that’s creeps me out.” Monica just stood at the side of Yello and stared with it’s big blue eyes, she hardly blink her eyes as it was a magnifence event she have just saw just now. “Come on lets get away from here before the big bird saw us and eat us away like the bird just now.” Jack said calmly and asking those friends to come with him to safer place. As for Monica, she seems to be shock and curious about the incident of the bird just now because she is very interested in studying the history and the existence of the dragon just like his father who works as the conservationist and always outstation to the jungle and doing things that involve studys of birds and animal in the jungle especially regarding to the understanding the behavior and lifestyle of the birds and animaland their reaction towards threat.

       It is very hard for those kids to believe that such a big monstrous bird are still alive in this world or it was called the dragon. Because there are now in the more modern world which are more likely to be the world of technologies with iphone, cellphone, television. To seen such an animal exist in this world is a new discovery to the world of animal planet because nowadays these animal are believes to be completely vanish from the world because of extinction as the dragon are hardly able to survive due to the changes of the earth temperature, competition for food, and the evolution of the world make them unable to fit in to the world ecology.

                 

              Hannah said:” wake up stella, its time to go to school, it’s 7 o’clock already, go brush your teeth and get ready, your breakfast is at the table, have your breakfast after you’ve done. Everything.” Stella hardly could open her eyes because she was sleeping late at night last night as she was sneak out with some of her friends to the house party of one of her classmate. Stella is the kind of teenage girl that love to have fun like partying, drinking alcholol and so on but Hannah on the other hand was the kind of girl that score straight A in her academics and doing outstanding result in her sport which she is doing atletic, swimming, basketball, gymnastic, cheerleading and so on. She seems to be the favourite girl of all the high school boys. 

                 Every boys are dying to want to go out with Hannah. As for stella, she who have her own plastics group are the kind of girl that everyone hates because of her mean girl attitude, she is slack in her academic and always fighting with other girl because of boys. Stella and Hannah is a twin teenagers with single parent. There parents divorce where there where only two years old. It is very unfortunate of them because there father are so into the studying of the black monstrous bird which is hardly seen in the world and some of the news was claiming that they are sighting of the black monstrous bird in some of the areas and this makes John, dad of Hannah and stella to hunt down the black monstrous bird by tracking it to wherever it may go as it as done with the story of claiming the sighting of the bird. 

                  

                     The crazieness of john on the birds have neglected both Hannah and stella have lead to a divorce of the marriage of 3 years. As Most of the time, Hannah and stella are all by themselves taking care of their own thing because their mother was died of brain cancer after 1 month divorce. It is a very unfortunate for both Hannah and stella. Now, most of the time, both of them are all by themselves in the house as her father won’t be around the house for the time being. This is because of the obsession of the black bird have leads to the suffering of the girls who have grown up harshly as there was lack of parents attentions. Fortunately, Hannah was a good girl because it seems that most of the friends she choose was the children that would likely to do studys in the library and work hard for striving grade A.

               After the schools, Hannah would join the curriculum activities of the school just to fill up her times with some beneficial activities such as charities in the orphanange, doing cleaning in the classroom afterschools. She even choosen for playing basketball for her highschool St, John. Most of the time after school, if she have free time, she will use her time to do some basketball practices until midnights and it have really gives a good payback for her hardwork. As for stella, even she is the twins of Hannah, people are hardly to like her because of her rebellious attitude. This have make her the most hated student by the teachers, Because most of the time, the teachers would retained stella for not submitting her homework or sleeping in the classroom. As she was the girl that seems to be popular in the school but yet most hated girl in the school. She always gets jealous with her sister’s achievement in school and feel quite insecure with all the things that she have, she always do something that is destructive to her own bodies and it was because she have choose the wrong friends to be friend with.

       

                    As Stella finally woke up with her sleepy eyes, she go to the bath room, brush here teeth with her eyes closing, she use here tooth brush with no energy and brush her teeth light ly, the tooth paste that she put on the tooth brush was just too short and it was hardly enough to clean her mouth. After brushing her teeth, with the refreshing breath, she was open her eyes a little wide and walk slowly to the table with the breakfast put nicely on the table prepared by her lovely twin sister Hannah. Hannah seems to be the more matured sisters who knows how to take care of her own and even take care of her twin sisters. She always help her out whenever she was involving in a big trouble such as getting caught drunk and drive once and almost get run in to the shops. Because she was driving without license with her friends car. It was very hurtful when most of the time, her twin sisters sometime was mistaken to be the evil sister Stella. And Hannah have decided to cut off her hair just to make sure she have this distinctive look that would differentiate her from her twin sister so that she would never get mistaken for being her bad sister Stella anymore. This is because, there even sometimes exchange class and exam room during the exam just because Stella are not doing good in her class and often get the worst grade most of the time.

please enjoy by amatuer writer