All year round.

Today is 29th of december 2011, I am glad that I did not suicide after all the fuss that happen to me. It was a difficult year for me. I'm struggling a lot to get over it and I have done lots of things just to move on from this matter. I believe that a lots of girl out there have been through what I felt and some of them will go through this as I did. Thanks to everyone that had been supporting me along the way when I'm weak.

Maximization of life

       

Totaly broken: fix it!

                             Today is the maximization of my ability of physical running here and there, doing stuff, making myself so buzy regarding my life. Just to make sure everything was done just in time, thanks to god up until now I just do what am able to do. Hopefully god will continue to campur tangan in my life and just give me the blessing and making things easier and easier. God always answers my prayer and I'm happy that He is listening to me.

I was doomed

                                                   Life is just about to have a cup of coffee

Getting on my nerves

          Just now working alone in the lab, enjoying the silence and doing my own thing, suddenly the lab assistant coming out of nowhere with that flaring eyes  and scold me for not getting any permission from him to use the lab. I'm sorry that I don't know he is in charge for the lab but he shouldn't scold me for no reason, instead figure me out how did I get into the lab and so on. I was ask permission form the other in charge person before him. So, I think it's okay for me to used the lab. But I don't know much. I just used the lab. However, when he said those word, it seems that he don't care, he just want his job to become more easier. I don't know how to describe him. Duh.....

Breaking the silence

Life ain't easy

       When somebody is silence, doesn't mean that somebody don't have anything to say, when that somebody don't like to talk, doesn't mean, that somebody will not talk. Silence sometime kills. If keep on silence and did not come forward and talk, other somebody could just talk for you and that won't be the voice from yourself, it's  something that people talk for themselves just to make sure they are not at fault. Sitting alone in this lab, while doing my thesis, making me feel that I am so alone and I think too many times about that little something. So, I on my lappy and started to write. I had to write it out to make me less thinking too much.

      Sometime, people could do anything just to put the blame on others just to make sure themselve are safe by giving false statement. SELFISH. I don't know what is the condition right now about the crime, I know I could be the one being suspected I could be the one being blame on, but, I got nothing to afraid of, One thing for sure is that this is my experience of being accuse for serious crime that I did not commit. What else could I say if all of them are telling the story that pointing at me and accusing me?? Only god knows how does it feel being betrayed, being accuse and being blame on. So, up to this point, I just had to continue to do my thesis.. Coming soon next post. Peace y'all.

Too many too much

        There is too many thing happens during my semester break of 4 months, and now is the final month of the sem break, and I am finally get to analyze my final year project, today, I start doing my work in the lab spl 1 at sst. Too many things need to settle before the lab will be closing on 16 of august, next wednesday. So rush. I am afraid everything will be out of control and upside down.Besides my thesis there are still many many things that I learn about life.

Shocking news?

         Unbelievable! What a coincidence, happen at the right timing? Is there anyone know something about this or trying to framing me on doing the crime? OMG, How could it be happening to me. The moment I want to quit the job, and there is something stolen from my company? Biggest suspect? Is it me? Jaw dropping for me, because I am innocent. One of the mistake that I was done was I'm not telling the People that I'm quiting the job and just doing my stuff by myself not telling her, making me becoming the main suspect for dissappearing from their sight for 2 days.

This time make it the fourth time

I had experienced breakup for a few times, but this is the most hurtful, sinful, and unforgetable. This is one of the painful breakup I ever had, and I will never turn my head on it anymore. From now on, what's on my mind is that, I got nothing to do with that man anymore. I hurt myself the most. Laugh as loud as you can on my sorrow. Tell to world what you know about me, I'll be very thankful for your action. Because as long as you are happy with what you did, then you deserve to be happy. I feel hurt so bad this time, it bleed so bad. I glad, I had this relationship. I'm happy I get to know him.

Cowgirl on the ride~ Part 9

Let the club handle her

              The heavy rain pouring on Stelensia plants making the rooftop got everything spoiled . Everything was spoil. Why is all this happening,  She can't take it anymore. she just continued to walk her journey of life. She can't think anymore her head is not spinning. God please show her the U turn. Stelensia need guidance to continue her life here on earth. What is that earthy things that makes her so selfish and self centered. Everybody got this little piece in themself. God show  the right way, take the sin away, she had committed the biggest sins in her life. Everything was spoiled. everything was ruin. Nothing left for her in this world. God, talk to her, tell her, Let her listen to Your sweet voice. She need You to tell her everything. She is dying right now. Her soul is dying.

Di atas normal by peterpan

Diatas normal by Peterpan

Pikiranku
Tak dapat kumengerti
Kaki dikepala
Kepala dikaki
Pikiranku
Patutnya menyadari
Siapa yang harus
Dan tak harus kucari

Tetapi tak dapat ku mengerti

Sesuatu
Yang baru kusadari
Kau tinggalkanku
Tanpa sebab yang pasti
Sesuatu yang harusnya terjadi
Kau sakiti aku
Kau yang harus kubenci

Tetapi tak dapat kumengerti
Tak dapat kumengerti
Tak dapat kuengerti

Ooooo 
Ku mencari sesuatu yang telah pergi
Ku mencari hati yang kubenci
Ooooo
Ku mencari sesuatu yang tak kembali
Ku mencari hati yang kubenci

Tetapi tak dapat kumengerti
Tak dapat kumengerti
Tak dapatku mengerti

Ooooo
Ku mencari sesuati yang telah pergi
Ku mencari hati yang kubenci
Ooooo
Ku mencari sesuatu yang tak kembali
Ku mencari hati yang kubenci
Ooooo
Ku mencari tetap tak dapat kutemui
Ku mencari hati yang kubenci

Masum 2011

In the bus

3rd Place

During Javelin throw competition

Rowing VBR 2010

I had a lot of trouble to face during this moment, rowing team want me to join them and I don't know which one I should go for. What should I do, I'm always have problem. why should it be this way?

Whispering soul

Give me a break

Soul killer Level 1

Lie, dishonesty, its a misfortune for me to have all of this.. I wish I can undone what is done.

I will never give up, someone like you.

5th time fail.. thing there is worst than u.. okay.. just keep on..  I 'm sure u'll find your soul mate dear. here u come again. . . . i found you here. 

I Need security.

               I want to know what is going on right now. I'm don't want to be the only one that being stupid and think everyting was ok. plis. don't do that to me mr.. Im not a robot. I will be very thankful If I found out about things that u try to hide from me. Don't hide from me, i hate it.

Don't bother by it.

Its youth for unity

I'm at my best shape. 52 kg

 

Will catch you for next time

During the competition of 'Unduk Ngadau Membakut'

I'll refresh my self everyday.

            Okay, today I start to do everything with all my heart and do my best to have my best result in whatever I want to achieve. I won't turn back and look at the mistake again, Cause I can't turn back the time. Its useless to do so.

Because You always watching my Back

             All i need is my self, refresh and restarting my life with a clear mind and vision, with what I want in life and focus on God. The creator of heaven and earth. He give me strength whenever I seek from him. I love him soooo much. His love is very biggest and selfless thought. Jesus I LOVE YOU~~~~

Motivation for study and sports top 8 verse

1. The truth is whether you know it or not, your thoughts are responsible for whatever place or situation you are in right now

2. Any self improvement programme or journey of personal development starts with your thoughts. Master your thoughts first. Then you can master your environment and circumstances. Do not involve emotion!

3. Dreamers jot down their own course and destiny. Dreamers are always strive to be the person they were meant to be and are not afraid being different. Always be brave. Fearless.

4. we cannot exhaust the creative power of our minds

5. If your mind can accept that something is achievable, you will find a way to attain that thing.

6. Your potential as a human being is unlimited. you have within you the ability to become and to achieve anything you want.

7. your vision is limited only by you. The problem is that you don't know what you should be. Its not your fault, really: your education has messed you up. it has taken your boundless potential and shrunk it and shaped it into a narrow title.

8. If something is widely accepted and everyone is doing it, it is probably better for you as a dreamer not to do it.

Inner voice said

Sometimes being too nice, people always took advantages of it but being bad is not my legacy. I let karma do it's job. I just don't believe anyone easily.

Do what u want, Soulja~

My height is 166.5 cm

Do not turn that head because god create us with the eyes in front not at the back, just walk ahead and discovered yourself. Ignore those distraction and stay focus and the thing that you want to do and just put your everything in it. I believe I can do it.

Focus~~~~~~

2 Farm nite '11 in a year

             Farm nite is the memorable moment for me and us. As we will move to Sandakan by September this year. There is no more fun, but I hope for the new school which is an excitement for us as the final year student to be the first to use the school facilities over there.

Thats Y I smile

:)

sorry 

lor

my scans

my fren

my coursemate

Sandakan

God's eyes

Everybody could be pretty with makeup, cloths and heels.

I won't be beautiful forever and I will die some day. I want people to appreciate me for myself not the pretty face. This will fade away in 20 years. But my breath will stop whenever it is, not in my acknowledgement.

I'm still an idiot.

Dear god,

I know He is keeping the best one for me

Even I read all the books in the world, discover all the solution to the world problem, or become the smartest woman alive, I'm still an idiot, because this world is not the eternity for me to make money, fame, or knowledgeable  What I become in the end everything is nothing and that something that I'm not knowing could be everything that I want. God, bless me, help me in my journey in becoming your follower. Repelled those evil spirits. Help me find the way to be the best follower. I pray to U, because, U made me, U made this world and put me into this world. I Love YOU so much.

By:  JYOO

Justified Every unjustified

Maybe it's because of i'm popping pills in prescription from the doc, so, something in my body is so abnormal, dream of Mr. Z confess to me that he had feeling to me, having some K from him and the world is going to end. A space ship is used to escape, but being chase by someone, and most of all wanted to watched the big P. What else, I have done my presentation yesterday, most of it was seen my mistake by the lecturer and i'm glad they do seen my mistake. Beside that, I'm on YM and saw some psychotic sexual maniac having fun. Don't have the civilization at all. What the crazy man. haha

By JYOO

One and two line

             I got FYP to do, I got many homework to do, and I got many commitment. I can't think about feelings, can't care too much about love, I'm not a multitasker. so it's a  shame for me. I want this to come to an end but not with the tsunami. I just want to relax without anything on my butt to ask me to do those task.

My fight

               My current weight right now is 62 kg, used to be 65 kilogram 2 months ago, i manage to loss 6.6  pound, my weight goal is 55 kg and within 2 months with vegetarian carbs eating habit with exercises to shade this weight away from my body. I want to build my abs muscle but at the same time to loss weight, I really need to loss weight. I urge to feel beautiful again. I was growing being told you are ugly, thats why I don't have self confident at all. When people told me you are beautiful, all i was thinking about is they telling me lie, stop telling me lie, I hate lies, I was lied to so many time, I hate those promises that they can't kept, stop promising people if you can keep it. It's so unman if you do so. Don't try to tell me what to do, you are not my father. You are nothing to me related yet, or never will be.

People told me that muscle weight a lot but compacted compare to fat, so I will not look fat even I had weight heavy. That's so not true, I want to shade all this fat and get more muscular and lean body. It's my dream body, I hate to be fat, and heavy, I can't wear a beautiful dress with this big flabby arm. I hate these arm.

运动是健康！

Dare to be me

Despicable me

大家来运动吧。高高兴兴的做运动，能够把一切烦恼丢掉了。不用在烦世界的事情了。

我的愿望。

我希望有一天我嫁给以为有钱人。我要生四个孩子。我要身重55公斤。我的身高是166公分。我想做磨特儿。虽然，我不美我不高，但是，这还是我的愿望啊。不要背叛我因为我是很脆弱的。

文习工课。

我要温习工课

烦脑

每一天都要面对这一些我以斤很累了。 请你不要在来烦我了。

我喜欢你我稀望有一天你知道。

        我每一天都有烦脑， 爱情对我来说是已没有意思了。 为何要我面对这见事情呢？ 我以经没有力量来面对这一切问题。 我西望我能够望掉全部一干二静的。 但是，这一以经变成我最深的应向。

word of god for the day

12.01a.m.

8th march 2011

All Things Are Possible

Read Deuteronomy 9:1 through 11:25; Mark 9:2—24

Many persons refuse to believe in miracles. Indeed, by definition, to perform a miracle is to do something that cannot be done by ordinary means. Even Christians may struggle to believe that the power of God can accomplish the impossible.

A father had a son who was possessed by an evil spirit. The religious leaders were powerless to help, and Jesus’ disciples failed to bring deliverance. Desperately the man appealed directly to Jesus, “Help us, if you can!”

Everything is possible for him who believes (Mark 9:23).

Jesus’ response clearly affirmed that the man’s son could be delivered. The father correctly evaluated the condition of his own faith; it was incomplete. The son was delivered because Jesus helped the father to believe.

Like the father, most Christians live with a mixture of faith and doubt. They want to believe for a miracle, but fear the disappointment of unanswered prayer. The Spirit gives Christians the ability to believe God can do miracles.

Challenge for Today: Direct your faith to God who can and will do what is impossible.

Quicklook: Mark 9:14–24

Old injury still here

11.28PM

7th March 2011

    

            My sprained toe still swollen. just like my sprained heart. It's always there. I just can't get enough to stand up again and do the trial and error. It's too hard to find a soul mate but it is so easy to find a friend that is just called friend on the name it. How far is the friend is called friend. Is it just a little 'Hai', or 'Ah, I know him he is my friend."? or, 'We are classmate back then'. It was not easy to understand a human behaviour totally, even though they claimed they know you, for example your parents but then, You still the only person know what you are. Because you are developing and discovering yourself in this life. Last word, don't judge a girl by it's cover, don't say it if you don't mean it, cause people might get hurt with those fake statement that you make about them. You have the right to say it, but mind your own business because you might want people to remember you on your kindness not your rudeness. Please behave!

By      JYOO

The dull story: me me me me me me

  7th March 2011
  11.07 PM

           My day started with bumpy, I woke up at 7.12 A.M. My head hanging with those question that could never be answer and only time can tell what would happen to me in future. I can only do what I think is logical. Thinking back, turning my head looking on the foot print that I left behind, it seems, I had walk so far to get myself to this place, but when I get here, I seem lost and don't know what's next, and everything I do seems to be copy and pasting others path because of I want to be seen by those people that I had in my life. How ever, everything won't happen like I was expected no matter how hard I tried. I'm just another object that don't have any value in those pairs of eyes. Where do I go from here, I'm not stepping on the real earth anymore, each and every dream that I had dream of seems to be fantasy forever. I wish that someday I could be get my self into that fantasy.
         I need to stand up straight and find my own motivation for myself. In this world, no one is looking no one. Except you had something special in you. Like those famous actor or actress with good looking and talent in acting. Those singers with sweet voice which may mesmerizes you with the captivating lyrics and touch your soul deeply. Finally, at this point, I started to turn my self into God, trying hard to pray but it seems that nothing can help me. Even Him can't. I don't understand this life. Too complicated for a little soul. Too hard and rough for a fragile little heart. Too fast and difficult for a little timid human.
        What's next after all of this big obstacles had been hurdles over? This one is the big hurdles for me, because people grows up, the more things being discovered, exposed to love life which I could never imagine could hurt this soul so much. I tried to heal this little soul but it seems that effortless was needed because it will never healed and never gonna be the same anymore. Because this cut is the deepest cut I had and I keep this to myself. I don't know whether I grew me up or making me childish? Psychologically, I could be gone crazy by now. Being strong is the only thing that I could do. I'm faking it. I face it as if all of this is nothing to me. Somehow. When I was thirsty with the attention, sharing, and caring, anything that a normal human needs, I could burst into tears anytime it could be. What I need is to crack open this wall that I had build for the longest time ago since I was child. My childhood was rough and hard. I makes me feel I'm the worst out of all. Want all of this go away quickly as possible.
        Hoping is the only thing that I could do. I just need to close my eyes and think that this just only dream, and be less emotionally involve and everything will be fine.

By JYOO

When the moon is talking back

        

My feeling about my life.

Just shoot me darling.

            Today I had midterm of tuber crop, I hope I can do the midterm. I'm confused with myself right now. Everything seems to be not right. I need space for myself. I believe I just need myself to be love by someone and settling down. I don't have the soul for all these crap, I don't even have any vision on what am I going to do with my life. I'm loss, I need map and GPS to show me where am I and where should I be. I need some guidance to show me the way.

By JYOO

Inspiring quotes

"People with many interest live,

not only live longest but happiest" 

 By George Matthew Allen

"So often times it happens

that we live our lives in chains

and we never even know we have the key"

By Eagles

"Do not anticipate trouble or worry, 

about what may never happen, keep in the sunlight"

By Benjamin Franklin

"Do no believe boys easily, they are playful."

By JYOO

10 things I'm thinking now

    Monday, 

    3.51 p.m.,

    28 Feb 2011.

Biggest gift I get in my life from two men of my life.

1. Kiss never tell the truth about the feelings.
2. Boys like girls make me sick.
3. I want my boyfriend know how to play guitar, cook, sing and athletic.
4. I want my boyfriend to be understanding, loving, caring, honest, and sincere.
5. I hope I will married him or may be him.
6. I want a happy marriage.
7. I want to be excellence in sport.
8. I want to loss weight.
9. I want to settle all the assignment soon.
10. I want to buy a Proton Saga.

By JYOO

My January Injury

Monday morning

2.12 a.m.

28 feb 2011

Figure 1: I've sprained my toes, because I fell off from motorbike

Thank god, I'm alive, 

We tried to avoid from crashing with Kancil 

coming from the opposite side of the road

We had break the rule 

To go opposite on the road.

The second one is my sprained foot finger.. haha

Daily inspiration quote

Monday midnite

12.56 a.m.

28 feb 2011

God~ bless my day for today, 

Thanks for yesterday,

Give me strength for today challenges.
by JYOO

It is not work that kills men, it is worry.

work is healthy; you can hardly put more

on a man than he can bear.

but worry is rust upon the blade.
 It is not movement that destroys

the machinery, but friction.

Dear roomate

by Henry Ward beecher.

Luahan pagi sepatah dua kata

Sunny sunday,                                                                                                
10.07 a.m.
27 Februari 2011

            Kenapa? Satu soalan yang diutarakan dengan perkataan ini tidak akan mendapat jawapan yang dapat memuaskan. Sedangkan seseorang itu senantiasa mempersoalkan setiap kenyataan itu. Dalam alam percintaan tiada satu perkara yang pasti,kerana perasaan yang diluahkan hanya dengan kata-kata langsung tidak dapat meyakinkan seseorang yang pernah terluka dengan luahan perasaan yang penuh dusta. Mengapakah perkara ini akan berlaku kepada saya? Hanya pemikiran yang positif sahaja yang mampu menenangkan jiwa yang hancur luluh ini sementara waktu. Bila sampai waktunya, perasaan sakit itu akan datang kembali menusuk di kalbu apabila memori bersama dia datang kepada ku pada saat-saat saya sedang sembuh. Kesimpulannya, bila teraniaya cinta suci ini, tiada lagi ada harapan di antara kita berdua untuk berbaik semula karena engkau telah bunuh cinta suci ni.

        

                                                                                                                Short monolog Written by: JYOO

                                                                   

Tapak kaki perjalanan hidup saya

          Apa saja yg saya lakukan tidak mampu lagi membuat saya membakar semangat yang pernah berkobar-kobar pada satu masa lalu. Saya sungguh-sungguh hilang arah dan bercelaru fikiran saya dalam sebulan yang lalu. Namun begitu, saya akan cuba sedaya upaya untuk menghidupkannya semula. Akhirnya, saya menjumpai tujuan saya berada di sini  dalam dua hari yang lalu. Iaitu, belajar bersungguh-sungguh dalam akademik, kerohanian, pergaulan sosial, dan hidup bermasyarakat. Itu adalah keutamaan saya dan tujuaan saya berada di sini dan tujuan ibu bapa saya menghantar saya masuk ke Universiti Malaysia Sabah.

         Kekalahan merupakan ada permainan, saya telah mengalami banyak kekalahan dalam hidup. Namun begitu, satu kekalahan yang besar yang pernah alami membuat saya sangat kecewa dengan diri saya sendiri adalah kekalahan terhadap diri sendiri. Saya gagal untuk mengawal diri. Ini merupakan satu penyesalan yang terbesar dalam hidup saya. Kekalahan ini telah pun meninggalkan satu kesan luka yang teramat pedih di hati. Walaubagaimanapun, saya telah pun berusaha untuk mengubati luka ini sendiri dengan mengisi masa lapang saya dengan melakukan perkara yang membawa manfaat kepada diri saya. Contohnya, pergi ke perpustakaan untuk melakukan perkara yang betul.

Oleh: Josephine Yang Oren-oren 

What I said to myself.

What will happen to me, I don't want to know.
I feel like I'm have given up on everything.
Just do what I need to be done.
I'm such a failure.

No! Stand up straight.
Go for the goal.
I must do it.

By JYOO