11.07 PM
My day started with bumpy, I woke up at 7.12 A.M. My head hanging with those question that could never be answer and only time can tell what would happen to me in future. I can only do what I think is logical. Thinking back, turning my head looking on the foot print that I left behind, it seems, I had walk so far to get myself to this place, but when I get here, I seem lost and don't know what's next, and everything I do seems to be copy and pasting others path because of I want to be seen by those people that I had in my life. How ever, everything won't happen like I was expected no matter how hard I tried. I'm just another object that don't have any value in those pairs of eyes. Where do I go from here, I'm not stepping on the real earth anymore, each and every dream that I had dream of seems to be fantasy forever. I wish that someday I could be get my self into that fantasy.
I need to stand up straight and find my own motivation for myself. In this world, no one is looking no one. Except you had something special in you. Like those famous actor or actress with good looking and talent in acting. Those singers with sweet voice which may mesmerizes you with the captivating lyrics and touch your soul deeply. Finally, at this point, I started to turn my self into God, trying hard to pray but it seems that nothing can help me. Even Him can't. I don't understand this life. Too complicated for a little soul. Too hard and rough for a fragile little heart. Too fast and difficult for a little timid human.
What's next after all of this big obstacles had been hurdles over? This one is the big hurdles for me, because people grows up, the more things being discovered, exposed to love life which I could never imagine could hurt this soul so much. I tried to heal this little soul but it seems that effortless was needed because it will never healed and never gonna be the same anymore. Because this cut is the deepest cut I had and I keep this to myself. I don't know whether I grew me up or making me childish? Psychologically, I could be gone crazy by now. Being strong is the only thing that I could do. I'm faking it. I face it as if all of this is nothing to me. Somehow. When I was thirsty with the attention, sharing, and caring, anything that a normal human needs, I could burst into tears anytime it could be. What I need is to crack open this wall that I had build for the longest time ago since I was child. My childhood was rough and hard. I makes me feel I'm the worst out of all. Want all of this go away quickly as possible.
Hoping is the only thing that I could do. I just need to close my eyes and think that this just only dream, and be less emotionally involve and everything will be fine.
By JYOO
When the moon is talking back
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